Would You Feel Better Letting Go Of Guilt?

August 30, 2013 at 11:56 am | Posted in Articles | Leave a comment
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The sounds of the summer are starting to fade.  Looking back at the great expanse of time some of us see as “the low season” (ie August!), it may just be that you, like me, didn’t get anywhere near as much “done” as you had hoped.

“I feel so guilty” are words I often hear from colleagues (and in my own head too) because of time apparently “wasted” and tasks left undone.  There is often self-reproach for spending too much time on social media, not replying fast enough to emails, not following-up networking contacts…the list goes on.   In my clients too, there is often guilt as they look back at their behaviour and its impact on their relationships.

The trouble with guilt and regret is that both are debilitating and of no use.  iStock_000005994502XSmall

To stop them, we first need to look at their cause.

Guilt is generally the product of a clash between a belief and an action.  To relieve the guilt, one of the two needs to change.

Obviously we can’t change the action if it’s in the past.  So, as there’s no point agonizing over the unchangeable, it’s therefore useful to consider what beliefs are creating the guilt, and check them out.

Let’s take an example of something I heard recently.

“I feel so guilty because I spent too much time mucking about over the summer and not getting the important stuff done”.

Whatever she did or didn’t do can’t be changed, so what beliefs are there, creating the guilt?

The most obvious ones are

  • what she did was “mucking about”
  • she didn’t get the important stuff done

First of all I asked her on both counts whether the statements were totally true.   Was she really mucking about, or was she relaxing and taking time out? Did she really get NO important stuff done?

Then we looked at what was implicit in the beliefs.  Is mucking about so bad?  Was what she was doing so unimportant? 

Turns out she had been spending time with her children.

See where I’m going……………?

It’s really helpful to become aware of our beliefs and thoughts, challenge them, check them out.  Often they are either not 100% true or we are choosing to focus on the negative rather than an equally plausible positive.

We can choose where we focus our attention, but often guilt is such a habitual response, we forget that we have a choice about where to focus.

When mistakes have been made and we’re really sure that what we have done was not for the best, the place to focus is the future and how we can do things differently.   For the most part, I feel grateful for the mistakes I’ve made in the past because, by learning from them, they’ve made me who I am today.

When I think about it differently I can see that most of my summer “mucking about” allowed me to relax, rejuvenate and reflect.  This means I am going into the new autumn season with renewed enthusiasm, creativity and energy.  I didn’t get as much “done” as I would like, but the time was certainly not wasted.

Focussing on an unchangeable past with remorse is not going to change it.  But focussing on what we can learn from it is more likely to result in renewed positivity (rather than guilt) and consequently is more likely to mean an even better future.

Juliette Smith

Relationship Coach


Athena Reading Launches at Bill’s Restaurant

August 5, 2013 at 2:38 pm | Posted in News | 1 Comment
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We are delighted to announce that we are launching a monthly meeting at a new venue in Reading in September – Bill’s Restaurant.

To mark the occasion, the meeting on Thursday 12th logoSeptember will be a special Visitors’ Meeting, at which, we are pleased to announce, our speaker will be Sally Webb from Connect2Colour.

Sally has 20 years combined experience working and teaching children with special needs.  She is an inspiring example of someone who has combined her passion, knowledge and commitment and turned it into a thriving business.sally-thurlbeck  She credits her membership of The Athena Network with a large part of her success.

Join us for our special Athena Reading Visitors’ Meeting on 12th September at Bill’s Restaurant, Reading and hear Sally share some of the secrets of her success.

She will share her story with you including how she has taken her business from concept through to building the Connect 2 Colour brand in only 2 years.

The format of the meeting will be:
•           Open networking from 12-12.25pm
•           An Introduction to Athena
•           Passing of business cards
•           Networking Strategy Training
•           60 second introductions from everyone (we give you guidance on how to do this)
•           A lovely lunch
•           Sally Webb “The Journey – Growing your Business”
•           ‘Let’s Talk Business’ – a chance for anyone (optional) to offer a referral or testimonial
•           A final short talk
•           Open networking over coffee 2-2.30pm.

Click here to book your place

Eventbrite - Athena Reading Central

Treat Yourself to Some “Me Time”

August 2, 2013 at 6:06 pm | Posted in Articles | 1 Comment
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With so many anti-ageing products and treatments available nowadays, how do you go about deciding which one is for you?

The answer is simple – just try some.

One treatment I can definitely recommend trying is a new,  non-invasive face-lift called Japanese Cosmo Lifting.  Face Lift

It is a neuro-sensorial procedure performed on the face, using ecological and natural products.  Developed by internationally renowned Reflexologist Lone Sorensen, it stimulates 21 traditional acupuncture points through the facial tissue to help with its regeneration and also tones the muscles of the face, minimising fine lines and wrinkles.

I went to try out this new approach to anti-ageing and relaxation with Sarah Aspital of Crowea Therapies, an experienced Reflexologist.  I went with an open mind and high hopes that Sarah could make my face look more relaxed and somewhat younger!

Sarah is a Holistic Therapist who treats the body and mind and she clearly has a deep awareness of how the two affect each other.

I started to relax, the minute I walked through the door.  The feeling that comes with being in a beautiful and serene environment with a calming and reassuring therapist starts the process of de-stressing and given that stress definitely shows in our facial expressions, I’m sure I started to look younger before the treatment even began!

Sarah explained each step of the process, but even by the time the first clay facemask was applied, I felt like I had left my body and I can’t remember a lot of what she said (thank goodness she had the forethought to arm me with more information when I left).

I am used to experiencing a rigorous back and neck massage and was surprised at how soothing a more gentle facial treatment can be.

Sarah worked methodically across my face.  It was calming and relaxing, but I could stll feel she was giving my facial muscles a work-out.

I found the whole experience very therapeutic and when it was over, it took me a few minutes to ground myself back into reality.

I studied my face intently in the mirror before I left.  I don’t know if it was my imagination but it did look lighter and refreshed.

Sarah recommends a course of treatments to maintain the effects and really boost the facial muscle tone.

Whether you’re considering anti-ageing treatments or just need to find a way to relax, I do suggest you go and see her.

If you can’t decide which treatment would work for you – just give this one a go as a first step.

A single treatment costs just £60 for 75 minutes.  Alternatively, Sarah offers a course of 6 treatments for £299.

Call her on 0118 983 1614 or email her at sarah@crowea.co.uk.   http://www.crowea.co.uk

Juliette Smith

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