Why wait for Valentine’s Day to be loving?

February 3, 2014 at 12:35 pm | Posted in Articles | Leave a comment
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Valentine’s Day may be an annual celebration of love but my invitation to you is to consider making every day a celebration of love, by feeling it and showing it – and not just to your partner.

Think about how love feels.  I could use numerous adjectives, but I think we all agree it feels good?Love

Imagine if you started “loving” everyone in your life – colleagues, your boss, the person at the supermarket checkout……They don’t need to know you’re doing it, but if the idea of feeling “love” for some people just doesn’t work for you, try substituting forgiveness, kindness, acceptance or compassion instead.

And why would I suggest that?

Think about how you feel when someone does or says something that you believe is wrong.  I’m guessing, the feeling is not so good.   Frustration, anger, resentment and other painful feelings are commonly experienced when our head tells us that the other “should” or “shouldn’t” have done or said something.  We judge others but we’re the ones who don’t feel great because of our judgement.

Many of my clients (both personal and corporate) often want to see a change in behaviour in another first, before they are willing to feel any compassion or kindness themself. They get stuck in the painful feelings, blaming the other person for them.  Can you see how that is a powerless place to be?  What if the other person can’t or won’t change?

You can choose to continue holding onto the negative feelings. They are yours, after all.  However, as Buddha said “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”  When you get stuck in a negative feeling,  you are unlikely to be hurting anyone but yourself.

If you try the opposite and focus on love, forgiveness and compassion, then your experience will be far more pleasant.Love2

Notice too when you feel anger or frustration with yourself.  Often we are our own harshest judges.  Try speaking to yourself with the same love and kindness you would speak to a small child or your closest friend, when they have made a mistake.

So this February, as you plan your Valentine’s surprise, how about spending the whole month loving everyone you meet (including the person in the mirror) and notice not only how it feels on the inside but also the impact it has on the outside.

Juliette Smith, Relationship Coach

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